When we were younger we were told that we could do anything if we believed in ourselves. We didn’t even need to build our abilities yet. All we needed to do was to believe in ourselves.
But as we become adults, our self-esteem can lower as we transition from one milestone to the next, or with each life-shifting moment. These experiences, relationships, or environments can take a toll on our self-esteem.
So how do we build self-esteem as adults? It will take more than just believing in ourselves like how we used to when we were little.
I share the most common reasons why we lose our self-esteem as adults and 5 ways on how we can build self-esteem, so we can live our fullest potential and optimal life.
What is Self-Esteem
Self-esteem is knowing and embracing your value and self-worth. You are happy with who you are and feel deserving of happiness.
Looking for a song to help build your self-esteem? Check out the lyrics to Lizzo’s song “Good As Hell”
Why is Self-Esteem so Important?
Having self-esteem allows you to feel comfortable speaking up for yourself and carry a sense of deservingness of happiness. This overall sense of personal value can have a positive impact on your career, business, and relationships.
However, when your self-esteem starts to decline you are more likely not to speak up for yourself or feel worthy. A personal challenge that could affect how you approach different situations and scenarios in your life.
For example, you can be confident in your abilities to perform in your job, but you don’t feel comfortable or worthy to ask for a raise.
Low self-esteem can cause you to:
- Hold yourself back from going for that promotion
- Not ask for an increase in pay
- Talk yourself out of making a career pivot
- Failure to launch a side hustle or small business
How Do We Lose Our Self-Esteem?
Most of us would be OK with living a linear life, but that's not how life typically unfolds.
Our life experiences can be a direct line to how we internalize our outlook and attitude of ourselves.
Although most of the life-changing moments could be out of our control. We tend to place blame on ourselves, depleting our self-esteem.
Here are some examples of how we could lose our self-esteem:
- Job loss or layoff
- Closing of a business
- Body changes
- Relationships
- Comparison of others
5 Ways to Build Self-Esteem
Before you can have self-confidence in your abilities, you need a healthy balance of self-esteem.
1. Observe how you talk to yourself
Language is so powerful and the words you choose to say out loud or to yourself could have a negative impact on your outlook. A repeating negative story you continue to tell yourself, can cause you not pursue
I created the acronym below to help to take action when a limiting belief or low-self-esteem talk arises in your thoughts.
I.S.A.D = Identify. Stop and pause. Ask yourself. Does this thought stem from the past?
- Identify when a negative thought occurs.
- Stop and pause from continuing to the next thought.
- Ask yourself if this thought is true at the moment, or did it happen in the past?
- Does this thought stem from a childhood experience? Is it relevant to your present life?
It will take time to incorporate I.S.A.D into your conscious thinking, but over time it can slowly reduce the negative talk that has affected your self-esteem.
2. Make Time For Positive Affirmations
Most people spend less than a minute looking at themselves in the mirror. Imagine if you made it a daily routine to spend time in front of the mirror and repeating positive affirmations to yourself?
According to PositivePyschology.com, repeating positive affirmations affects your neurological pathways. The MRI results recorded an increase of stimulation of the pathways when positive affirmations are repeated.
Positive affirmations should be created and rooted in truth. Creating a positive affirmation from a previous experience or stating the possibility instead of claiming what hasn’t happened yet. It makes repeating an affirmation feel more authentic.
Take a moment to write down 3-4 positive affirmations on a post-it and place them on your mirror. Make it a daily routine to take 3-5 minutes to repeat the affirmations to yourself in the mirror.
It will feel silly at first, but over time the practice will feel more natural and the repetitiveness will help build your self-esteem.
3. What you wear can make a difference to your self-esteem
When I was laid off in 2020, my daily outfit was workout pants and a t-shirt. I was telling myself that I didn't need to impress anyone and that it’s more important to feel comfortable.
Dressing casually seemed harmless, but it affected my outlook on how I saw myself. I allowed my current circumstances to define how I looked and how I felt about myself.
I used to love dressing up for work and when I stopped I denied myself of the feeling for myself.
So I decided to start dressing up again, even though I worked from home and rarely see people, I still make an effort to dress up.
Once I did, I started to feel better about myself. The time and care that I put back into my appearance made a difference to help build my self-esteem.
4. Lower your social media in take
Remember when we used social media platforms like Facebook and Instagram to keep tabs on family and friends who don’t live in the same area? It was a way to stay connected, but these days it seems like it creates more of a disconnect with yourself.
60% of people say using social media harms their self-esteem.
"Comparison is the thief of joy." - Theodore Rosevelt
Placing your value on how many likes you receive from a picture or comparing your life to someone’s filtered images can make you question your happiness and quality of life.
Building our self-esteem will mean going on a social media diet. Limiting your time on different platforms.
So, let's approach this social media diet like a nutritional diet.
- Commit to reducing your social media time by one hour less each week for an entire month. Going cold turkey may not work for you, so gradually reducing your time on your phone is a more sustainable way.
- Replace your social media time with a healthier activity, like adding a self-care hour back into your schedule. Instead of spending time looking at other people’s pictures, invest your time back into yourself.
- Before you go to bed, put the phone out of your reach. Grab a book to read or write in a journal. Let’s replace unproductive habits with healthier ones.
- Get an accountability buddy. Invite a friend to join you on this social media diet. Having a friend will create accountability with one another. And knowing you aren’t the only one missing out can help lower the FOMO feeling.
5. Invest in yourself
Have you heard of the term “get some skin in the game”?
It means to incur some financial risk towards a goal. For some people, the risk of losing money on an investment is the motivation they need to stay committed to getting results.
Think about the areas in your life where you can invest time and money into it and the impact it would make on your self-esteem.
Here are some ideas of what you can invest in:
- Hiring a personal branding or career coach.
- Sign-up for a class or online course you have always wanted to take for your well-being.
- Indulge in a small gift or treat to yourself each month.
Investing money into activities is creating a commitment to yourself and holding yourself accountable to improving your self-esteem.
Conclusion
So there you have it!
Five ways on how to build your self-esteem and why it is so important to protect and maintain it. We all deserve to embrace who we are to achieve the most out of life.
We want to hear from you! How do you maintain a good balance of self-esteem?
Share below.
This is worth reading! Was looking for some takes regarding this topic and I found your article quite informative. It has given me a fresh perspective on the topic tackled. Thanks!
You won’t need to compromise your standards just to gain appreciation. When you know your self-worth, settling for less is never an option. Instead, you focus on personal growth. You change for the sake of yourself— not because others want you to change. Check this out Five Undeniable Signs You Know Your Value and Self-Worth Hope this will help. Thank you.
Cheers,
Veronica